Gold Mine

That's what I found while at my parents' house yesterday. I came across something I had transcribed years ago. No, I did not have the original. But obviously I recognized genius at the time and re-wrote it on this index card to preserve for posterity.

What was it? A bit of heartfelt advice from a mentor? A touching letter from a relative? Some major epiphany that came to me during my formative years?

Hardly. It was some brilliant bit of comedy penned by a high school classmate of my older brother. Essentially, it was three poems poking fun of another buddy of theirs and here it is in all of its brilliance (transcribed once again (misspellings, grammatical errors and all) - this time for the digital age):

His clothes are small and kind of garbie
Besides him, they only fit Barbie
He looks kind of funny
Short and spatchy
Just like a cabbage patchy
His hair is pethetic, ugly and short
I would even say synthenic
His muscles are none
He has none at all
I would say less than Chris ___
Think He's a funster
But really a gilla monster

___________

Sam is short
Sam is ugly
Sam is dumb
Sam is smugly
Sam is ugly
His looks are deadly
He looks like a baby midget Smedley

_____________

Sam's clothes are baby like
His shoes somewhat attroaches
Their only use is to stomp out cockaroaches
His hair is ugly
It's color blacky
It looks just like a piece of cocky