you CAN'T go home again

Ode to 277

And then, one day
it was over
How did it happen?
On the market, off the market, on again
A deal offered, accepted
And then, one day
it was over
Your childhood boxed up, labeled, ready to go

Maybe it was easier to say goodbye
To your childhood home
After recently saying goodbye
To your adult home

No, this is different
Isn't it?
This was the place you grew up in
The place they bought when you were born

The place of backyard games
Family get-togethers
School buddies coming over to play
And birthday parties

The place of endless hours of schoolwork
Studying, studying, studying
Of fights had, tears shed
Of disappointment, rejection, and imperfection

The place of triumphs won
Of school acceptances, job offers, engagements, births

In short, the place of life happening, unfolding, changing

The place that was filled with the sound of adolescence
Of four kids under one roof
The place that became more silent
When they left for college
And it was just you

It was the place you wanted to flee from as a teenager
And the place you longed to return to later as an adult

The place that you eventually associated solely with the holidays
Because that's the only time you were home
Macy's Thanksgiving Parade on the television
The scent of Mom's home cooking waking you up

It was the place your parents created
It was a home
The embodiment of a family

And like your family, it wasn't perfect
But all the imperfections, complexities, joys and sorrows
Went into creating the home
Into creating your family
And it was yours
And it made you who you are

No, you can't go home again
There will be new owners after all
And it would be
Considered trespassing

But you can't forget
What you had
Where you were
And how 277 was your home.

Gold Mine

That's what I found while at my parents' house yesterday. I came across something I had transcribed years ago. No, I did not have the original. But obviously I recognized genius at the time and re-wrote it on this index card to preserve for posterity.

What was it? A bit of heartfelt advice from a mentor? A touching letter from a relative? Some major epiphany that came to me during my formative years?

Hardly. It was some brilliant bit of comedy penned by a high school classmate of my older brother. Essentially, it was three poems poking fun of another buddy of theirs and here it is in all of its brilliance (transcribed once again (misspellings, grammatical errors and all) - this time for the digital age):

His clothes are small and kind of garbie
Besides him, they only fit Barbie
He looks kind of funny
Short and spatchy
Just like a cabbage patchy
His hair is pethetic, ugly and short
I would even say synthenic
His muscles are none
He has none at all
I would say less than Chris ___
Think He's a funster
But really a gilla monster

___________

Sam is short
Sam is ugly
Sam is dumb
Sam is smugly
Sam is ugly
His looks are deadly
He looks like a baby midget Smedley

_____________

Sam's clothes are baby like
His shoes somewhat attroaches
Their only use is to stomp out cockaroaches
His hair is ugly
It's color blacky
It looks just like a piece of cocky

Restaurant Rundown

Catching up on the restaurants we've been to recently....

A couple weeks back we made our way to Atlantic Grill on the Upper East Side. The seafood was solid - we started with the Dragon Roll and Maryland Crab Cakes. The Dragon Roll was serviceable but Crab Cakes were outstanding. Solid job on our entrees too - Crab Crusted Wild Striped Bass and the Horseradish Crusted Organic Salmon. But the showstopper was dessert....the Carmelized Banana Ice Cream Tower (in hazelnut shell with toasted marshmallow sauce). Unbelievable.

Next up was Stone Park Cafe in Park Slope (pictured to right). Serving contemporary American cuisine, this neighborhood restaurant had a warm ambience and was both casual yet refined. We liked the simple menu- my wife had the veggie pot pie and I had a Stone Park Cafe Burger. The meal was not phenomenal but we had absolutely no complaints about the food and the service was attentive. All in all, a nice time.

Finally, we headed to Tempo in The Slope for the big 30th b-day. Definitely one of the best meals I've had since I've been here. We started with the Serrano Ham Croquettas and the Special appetizer - the Buratta, which apparently is just a fancy type of Mozzarella cheese. But hey, the waiter sold us on the fact that it was fresh and just arrived from Italy "an hour ago". I don't know if I buy that, but it sure as hell was good. We both got the Special Entree - Arctic Char (apparently it's just fish) which too was tasty. A great meal all around.

Ridiculous Neighborhood Names

So, a couple weeks ago I was watching Jane's New York on the local NBC affiliate here in NYC. Local reporter Jane Hanson apparently has her own show where she covers such fascinating and diverse topics as "A Dog's Life", "Gay Life" and "Castles".

Anyhow, this particular program focused on the NYC real estate market, which we all know is a bitch. But this program was an absolute mess and came off more like an infomercial for big brokers as opposed to an informative program providing helpful tips for consumers.

The one thing that I did learn - there are lots of new neighborhoods popping up all the time. Actually, let me rephrase that. There are lots of new neighborhood names popping up all the time as brokers scramble to put a trendy label on a sub-subsegment of an area in an attempt to raise housing/rental prices. Some of the crazy ones I heard were SoBro (South of the Bronx) and FloMa (Flower Market district).

I think I will just start saying I live EaPenn (East of Pennsylvania) or SoCan (South of Canada).

Big Baby

Even Adam Morrison's sweet 'stache can't help the tears from falling once Gonzaga got bounced from this year's NCAA Men's Basketball Tournament.

The Big 3-0

Yes, I did enter the 30's today.

And what the hell is with the grey hairs I've been noticing lately?

I noticed one or two last year but this year it seems like there are a bunch more.

This recognition (and turning 30) prompted me to wonder why people go grey anyway.

I found this on a random website:

Being here must mean that you either "gone grey" or started to find the "odd grey". So what now?
Why is it happening to me?
As we age, the amount of hair pigment (melanin) that we produce lessens, turning the hair clear or 'grey'. As to how grey you will become and at what age the process begins, is all down to your genes, so take a close look at your parents for a clue about what will happen.

Fuckin' A!

Latest i-Tunes Purchases

Ben Gibbard "Farmer Chords"

The Doves "Black and White Town"

Stereolab "Whisper Pitch"

Top O' The Morning to You

Nothing says St. Patrick's Day like butternut squash soup, seafood risotto, and a cornish game hen!

That's exactly the meal we had last night at Black Pearl on Union Street in Park Slope.

It was a late-arriving crowd (or is it just late to me) but the place was pretty packed by the time we left. All in all, a solid effort by Black Pearl and we will most likely be paying a return visit.

Overheard in Park Slope

Yes, it's been too long since I last logged and blogged....

Been too busy, so there will be much catching up to do.

But first, the latest installment of Overheard in Park Slope.

At Pizzatown on 5th Avenue....

Woman: "You got knishes?"
Man Behind the Counter (in monotonous voice): "Yeah, we got knishes."
Woman: "Thank you, sweetheart."
Man Behnind the Counter (in monotonous voice): "You're welcome, sweetheart."

One of the Best?

UPDATED: Check out this link for an even better
description of the night's events.

On Thursday night we went to the Nokia Theatre in Times Square to see an awesome indie-rock pairing - The New Pornographers and Belle and Sebastian.

First of all, the venue - all that is wrong with corporate sponsorship. Glass encased Nokia phones along the wall when you first enter and nothing but Heineken bottles behind the bar. Thankfully, they had other beers there too, however. The main space was good though with an open floor for the young ones and stadium-style seating in the back for us old folk.

The New Pornographers' set was strong - starting things off with "Twin Cinema", "Use It" and "The Laws Have Changed." There was little banter but the band was pleasant, in good spirits, and peformed really well (they're such affable Canadians). They ended the set with "Sing Me Spanish Techno".

Lead singer Carl Newman then says "One of the great things about being in a band is that you get to play with your heroes." He then introduced a band "from Germany" called Matter of Trust whom they supposedly "met in Switzerland". No one in the crowd knew who the hell they were but they went into a hilarious rendition of Billy Joel's "Matter of Trust" - peppered with comedic moments. Were they improv comedians? Real musicians? Both? I did a little digging - looks like it's a bunch of real musicians who do this as a joke. Got this from the Yo La Tengo website:

What's a celebration of Jewish songwriters without Billy Joel? It's an ugly job, but somebody's got to do it. Riding to the rescue all the way from "Germany" came A Matter of Trust: Todd Barry on drums, Jon Glaser on bass, Tom Shilue on backup vocals, James on guitar, and Jon Benjamin on lead vocals.

Next up was Belle and Sebastian, whom I haven't really listened to since The Boy with the Arab Strap. They were really good and reignited my interest in them. They started off with "Stars of Track and Field" and did a number of songs from their expansive repertoire. Stuart is a good frontman and who doesn't like the Scottish accent? Other highlights include "The Fox in the Snow", "Your Cover's Blown", and "I'm a Cuckoo". It was definitely one of the best all around shows I have been to.

There's Always Room for Chocolate

On Wednesday night - after taking in some sushi at Nana - we stopped by The Chocolate Room for dessert.

I don't even remember the exact name of the dessert we got (it was a Special) but damn it was good. And I am pretty sure I passed out once we got home.

Nothing says "wintry pounds" like falling asleep after a decadent chocolate dessert. Where's that gym again?

Yeah, You Know You're Curious

UPDATED: I've got to give credit where credit is due. Got the "Knot" tip from a friend. You know who you are and apparently, now you know who I am on the 'Net (she whose name rhymes with "Latey Night"!). But how do I feel about now having a readership of 4? I don't know. As for the "MySpace" tip - props to my wife.
_____________
Ever wonder what happened to some of your classmates?

Yeah, you've googled them but those searches came up empty.

Check out myspace.com. There's a chance you might come across the page of someone you know. Use the "Classmate Finder" and you can search by School and Year of Graduation.

And for those of you really looking to kill time and display stalker-like capabilities, you can always search TheKnot to see if anyone you know has set up a wedding page.

Fascinating.

Mensa is BS

Apparently, being a Mensa member means something to Donald Trump, as there is a Mensa member (pictured above) competing to be his next Apprentice.

He gets to compete in real rigorous business scenarios - like trying to drum up more people to sign up for Sam's Club through street marketing and the use of a blimp. Remind me again how this is good practice for running one of Trump's companies?

But back to this Mensa thing - isn't this just some bullshit organization like that Who's Who publication that was popular back in high school? Couldn't anyone be in that as long as you paid them to be in the publication? Yeah, I know there's an actual test involved in Mensa, but its credibility and relevance in this day and age seem awfully suspect. Why don't they just say you have a high IQ if you can solve a Rubik's cube or one of those Sudoku puzzles?

Those Damn Pandas Are

Too friggin' cute.

What are you going to do?

Check out this link and click on "Watch the video here" to see Panda kindergarten...

imPRESSive

Corny title? Yup.

But the food at Press 195 on 5th Ave. in Park Slope was definitely impressive. It's a great sandwich place. I had the #26 - Turkey, smoked Canadian bacon, smoked Gouda, fresh tomato and roasted garlic spread. My wife had the Soup Special - pumpkin and coconut soup.

The Boo Birds Are Out

Last night, we went to the Nets/Knicks game at the Garden. I'm a big Nets fan so it was with great pleasure that I witnessed the drubbing delivered to the hapless Knicks.

It's stunning how poorly run the Knicks organization is and the fact that Isiah Thomas is still allowed to keep his job. He continues to stockpile players who have atrocious contracts and completely no defensive abilities. None of the players mesh with each other or with Coach Larry Brown's system. It's an absolute mess.

Toward the end of the game the Garden crowd began chanting "Fire Thomas!". Amen.

Smushy Face

What the heck is the Lakers' Smush Parker doing to this poor Clipper?

Overheard in PS

My barber, talking to someone on the phone, while I sat in the chair waiting for him to finish my cut....

"Basically he told me to go fuck myself..."

He didn't explain whom he was talking to and then continued with my haircut.

People Are Basically Insane

I recently received an email from a former supervisor from a former employer. I hadn't talked to this person since I left so it was with some surprise that I heard from him.

When I shared this with a friend who also used to work at XYZ company, he called it immediately. Former Supervisor (let's call him ABC), was probably reaching out because he was now promoted and wanted to gloat about how great the organization was now that he was in charge.

I decided to bite the bullet and call ABC since he contacted me and I hadn't spoken to him in years. Basically, I wanted to be polite and reciprocate the effort. My friend was correct, however. ABC went on and on about how lots of changes were being made and how it was a great place to be, etc. ABC really didn't ask me much about my life. And it was transparent - he didn't call because he was genuinely interested in hearing about me, but because he wanted to tell me how great he was doing. He wanted to talk to me to make himself feel better.

Sadly, I could really care less. I hadn't really thought of this person since I left. Hell, it was two jobs ago! But obviously this person took my departure (and my friend's) personally. His attempt to find us is akin to a jilted lover calling an old flame to tell him/her about a new love they have found. There's a part of me that regrets calling because I gave this person some satisfaction in being able to talk about how his life and the organization were so great nowadays. But there was also a part of me that kind of felt sorry for this person who obviously has carried this grudge (or whatever you call it) around for a while and was just waiting for a moment to say "I told you things were going to get better but you didn't stick around."

It's pretty pathetic and then it struck me that so many people are nuts. I mean, I've got insecurities and neuroses with the best of them, but I'm pretty sure they don't affect other people.

Also, I've decided that fundamentally, people don't change. If you were an insecure asshole back in the day, you probably still are one. If you were a decent, considerate person in high school, you probably still are a nice guy today. For some naive reason, I always held onto the ideal that people matured or improved with age, but I've encountered so many individuals who still exhibit unprofessional, immature, or straight-up kooky behavior despite advanced age or high positions of power. People are insane.

My Own New York Stories

Do these qualify as making me a true New Yorker now?

-Yesterday, I had my bag randomly searched by NYPD at the Grand Central Station. It was fine - they said "Excuse me sir" and motioned me over. I opened my bag and they thanked me and I was on my way.

Maybe they singled me out because I looked ornery. But hey, that's how I look after a long day's work!

-Yesterday I was asked by a co-worker where I was from originally, to which I responded "New Jersey." She seemed miffed (maybe an exaggeration) when I didn't share her Jersey pride in Bon Jovi. I told her I liked Springsteen and Sinatra. Sorry - I draw the line at Bon Jovi.

-Today, a young man (with his friends in tow) asked me where Rockefeller Center was and being in NYC mode, I pretty much ignored him. He was annoyed by this and responded saying "Don't be nervous, I am not going to mug you." Maybe I naturally gave off a disturbed look but I am not going to respond to a bunch of thuggish looking dudes coming out of nowhere and asking me for directions. What did he expect?